A Vision for Worship

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

I mentioned in my Changes post that I have been feeling a calling to apply to Calvin Seminary for a Master’s of Arts in Worship. If you are interested to know more, here is a more detailed description of what’s been going on (as I understand it).

Starting with the Past...

Since I was around six years old, music has strongly connected me to God. I've sung solos in church, led worship in Children's and other ministries, and composed songs through journaling during daily devotions. I'm also always loved the Bible, and been more and more drawn to studying it deeply. I never really considered seminary as a child or teenager, probably because there was no place for female pastors in my church, but I did decide to go to a Christian college partly so that I could take some more intense Bible classes. After coming into more contact with poverty in the developing world during short-term mission trips as a teenager, I became interested in missions and development work, and decided to major in engineering, because I loved math and science and had been told engineering skills were needed in developing countries. 

I ended up at Calvin College, where I also picked up an interest in Reformed theology (grew up non-denominational), new monasticism, and the inner city, and went on a slightly engineering-related interim trip to Cambodia. That was two years ago. I returned from that trip with the feeling that I was supposed to go back to Cambodia. After graduating, I found a way to come back through CRWM... and here I am... teaching English, of all things.

Now, in the Present... 

Although I still value my engineering education, for various reasons, I'm not really interested in continuing in that field. Until a few weeks ago, I was planning to do a program similar to Teach for America, learning to be an inner-city physics teacher when I got back to the US, to explore more about the inner city. However, I've suddenly started hearing a calling away from that and toward studying the Bible/theology and developing my gifts in leading worship. 

While praying recently, God brought to my attention how He often works when I use the musical gifts He's given me. While I was at Calvin, I led the music for VBS one summer, and later, in Ada's Friendship ministry. On Campus my junior year, I shared a song I had written in chapel, and during my senior year, I was part of a worship team, helping lead chapel and LOFT. Here in Cambodia, I've participated in the music team in an international church and led musical worship during chapel services at the Christian school where I'm teaching English.  Through all of these experiences, I've noticed that when I lead worship, perform songs vocally, or share songs I've written, I always get a lot of feedback from other believers, saying that God touched their hearts, or that they were helped to worship in some way. So it seems that God likes to work through the musical talent that he's given me to edify His Church.

I want to join in the work that God is already doing, and be a good steward of the gifts He's given me. One very good option seems to be Calvin Seminary's Master of Arts in Worship program, which combines and integrates study of theology and worship. Studying the Bible/theology and developing my gifts in leading worship are integrated. I strongly believe in the importance of the Church having good (and well-practiced) theology, and that the songs (and other art forms) we use in worship can have a really strong impact on people's theology - and their practice of it. So, in order to lead worship well, I want to get my theology a bit straighter, and think long and hard about how to integrate the two.

Thinking about the Future...

1. I've noticed here in Cambodia that most of the songs sung in Khmer (Cambodian) churches are either: 1) hymns or contemporary English worship songs translated into Khmer; or 2) Old Khmer tunes with new Christian words. Now, I love the old hymns and many contemporary English worship songs, and I think the old Khmer tunes are beautiful. But it makes me sad to see how few new songs have been written by Khmer Christians. There are just so many things wrong with that picture. 

I've talked with Khmer Christians who feel that they and others they know would love to write songs, but feel that they lack the musical skills. So one vision I have is to at some point return to Cambodia and be part of empowering the Khmer church to sing their own "new songs" to the Lord - and to share these new songs with the rest of the Church as well.

2. I've also been noticing some theological gaps in English worship song repertoire (or in mine, at least). For instance, where are the songs about resurrection? Until I was in college, the only time I heard about our great hope of the resurrection of our physical bodies, of which Christ is the first fruits and the Holy Spirit is our deposit of guarantee, was when reciting the apostle's creed! Or what about songs that help us understand, imagine, and live into the already-not yet reality of the Kingdom? What about some songs that aid in scripture memorization for adults and not just kids?

So another vision I have is to be part of writing some of the songs that fill those gaps, that help us to really believe and meditate on the theological and biblical teachings we profess.

3. Finally, I am still very intrigued by the idea of intentional living, both within a Christian community and as great neighbors who contribute to the development and hope of their inner-city neighborhood. And I'm particularly caught on the idea of  song-writing working together with preaching to prophesy the Word of God to such a community. Or working together with prayer as a powerful form of intercession for a community. 

Most of the songs I've written so far have been written from my own perspective, as ways for me to worship God and pray to him and meditate on God's word to me, and they've ministered to me greatly. I've not yet written a song on behalf of someone else, but I also write poetry, and I have written poems for other people which seem to have ministered deeply to them. I'd love to be able to do that with song - for individuals and for a church community.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers as I continue to seek God’s direction!

Love from Cambodia,

Amanda

Goodbye to NIBI

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

I was given the opportunity to give my testimony at NIBI’s closing chapel, and I thought you might be interested in it as well. Here are my notes. The Bible verses are included, but you’ll have to look up the passage from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe yourselves.

I want to start with a word of encouragement, taken from 1 John 1:12-14, which I’ve changed just a tiny bit because I am speaking, not writing:

I speak to you, dear friends and fellow children of God,

            Because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name.

I speak to you, fathers,

            Because you have known him who is from the beginning.

I speak to you, young men and women

            Because you have overcome the evil one.

I speak to you, dear children,

            Because you have known the father.

I speak to you, fathers,

            Because you have known him who is from the beginning.

I speak to you, young men and women

            Because you are strong,

            And the word of God lives in you,

            And you have overcome the evil one.

I thank God and all of you so much for the great privilege of living and teaching here for the past four months. There is so much I have learned and so much I have come to love about NIBI.

As you remember from the first night I came here, I love the stars and the quiet. And I love the library, too – and Bong Roon’s cooking, and the mango trees. But those are the little things.

More importantly, I love NIBI’s commitment to God’s Word. At NIBI, we wake up early to meditate on bite-sized pieces of God’s Word, fight our after-lunch sleepiness to read aloud and feast our souls on longer passages from the Bible, and pray, worship God, and share how He has spoken to us at several weekly services. It isn’t always easy, but it is an amazing recipe for growing in our faith. I know I have grown and learned so much here, and it has been so good to be constantly in God’s Word.

Most importantly, I love all of you.

I am amazed by how you’ve welcomed me into your community and into your lives.

I have greatly enjoyed watching you grow and learn, even during this short semester.

I have been amazed and challenged by your faith, courage, and love for God.

I also love how genuine this community is. We’ve talked about the things that God tells us during quiet time, even when it’s uncomfortable because He’s convicting us of our sins. We don’t pretend that bad things don’t happen to us because we are Christians. We acknowledge that a lot of tough things have happened during this semester, and we encourage each other and ask God for help.

I’ve been reading and re-reading Jesus’ blessings in Luke 6. Sometimes they’re difficult for me to understand. But one thing I’ve learned is that NIBI is blessed by Jesus. Here is what Luke 6:20-23 says:

Blessed are you who are poor,

For yours is the kingdom of God.

Blessed are you who hunger now,

For you will be satisfied.

Blessed are you who weep now,

For you will laugh.

Blessed are you when people hate you,

When they exclude you and insult you

And reject your name as evil,

Because of the Son of Man.

Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their fathers treated the prophets.

NIBI, you are blessed:

·        None of you are rich, and neither is this school – but the kingdom of God belongs to you.

·        You hunger for God’s Word and for Wisdom – and you will be satisfied.

·        As you’ve watched and continue to watch many beloved friends come and go, you may weep – but you will laugh.

·        Friends and family may persecute you because of your faith, and the Cambodian government may exclude NIBI from registration – but great is your reward in heaven!

Now, none of this makes sense. The world around us blesses people who are rich, well fed, happy, and popular. Why did Jesus bless the poor, the hungry, the sad, and the hated?

The answer is that Jesus is the King of a new Kingdom, the Kingdom of Heaven – and He is taking over the world. This new kingdom is a new reality. It is opposite and upside-down from what the world thinks is real.

Do you know, Jesus and his disciples preached the good news, the gospel, before Jesus’ death and resurrection? In Luke 9 and 10:

When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick… So they set out and went from village to village, preaching the gospel and healing people everywhere…

After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. He told them: “…When you enter a town and are welcomed, eat what is set before you. Heal the sick who are there and tell them, ‘The kingdom of God is near you’”… The seventy-two returned with joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.”

 The good news is not just that Jesus’ death and resurrection saves individual persons from their sins. The gospel is that the Kingdom of God is here! Jesus is not just saving some people’s souls from hell – He’s taking back the entire universe from the power of hell. Jesus is Lord, and He is turning the world upside-down, bringing everything back from death to life. And just like the twelve disciples and the 72 others, we get to participate, to join in God’s work.

Let me give you an example of what this looks like. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis (which may be found in NIBI’s library and read over vacation, hint hint…) is about Aslan returning to Narnia. This is a Christian fantasy book, so Aslan is a lion, but he represents Jesus. Narnia is a country that has talking animals and many other creatures, and Aslan is Narnia’s true king. At the beginning of the story, an evil White Witch rules Narnia. She uses her magic to make it always winter there – it is always cold and covered with snow, the flowers never bloom, and the trees look dead because they have no leaves. The animals and other creatures are treated cruelly by the White Witch. Some are turned to stone by her magic wand. But all feel imprisoned indoors because of the cold and their fear of the White Witch.

But as Aslan returns to Narnia, he melts the snow, brings the flowers and trees back to life, and takes Narnia back from the White Witch little by little. But he doesn’t do all of it by himself – he allows others to participate, to join in his work of freeing Narnia from the White Witch.

In this part of the story I’m about to read, Aslan and two little girls named Susan and Lucy break into the White Witch’s own castle – her own house! There they find all of the animals and creatures that the White Witch had turned to stone. (P. 183-188, abridged)

Now, let me point a few things out:

1) At first, the animals and creatures are under the White Witch’s control – they are stone statues. It’s just like the control of the world, the flesh, and the devil keeps people enslaved, imprisoned, in fear, helpless, and dead to God. But then Aslan’s Kingdom comes. Under Aslan’s control, the statues turn back to life! The life that God offers is as much better than enslavement to the Devil’s kingdom as coming alive is better than being made of stone.

2) Only Aslan can change the statues back to life, but once they come to life, they all get to participate in spreading that life – they find more statues and call on Aslan to turn them to life. Like them, we have no power to change others or the world, but only participate in what God is doing.

3) Finally, Aslan doesn’t bring the strongest warriors of Narnia with him to break into the White Witch’s castle; in fact, he doesn’t bring any warriors at all. He brings two little girls. Aslan doesn’t need mighty warriors.

In the same way, to show that His Kingdom is coming only by His power, God also uses the foolish, weak, lowly, despised… even the non-existent. 1 Cor 1:27-30:

…God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things – and the things that are not – to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus…

So, you see, the poor, hungry, sad, and hated are blessed in God’s Kingdom because they are the ones God chooses to join in His work. You are blessed because God has chosen you to join in His work of turning the world upside-down, bringing everything back from the power of death to the power of Life.

Let’s pray.

Dear Lord,

We praise Your name because of this good news: The Kingdom of God is here! Thank you for bringing us and the whole world out of death into your wonderful life, and thank You for letting us join in Your work, even though we are often poor, hungry, sad, and hated in the eyes of the World.

Thank you for NIBI – for all of its students and teachers. Thank You for the great love, faith, and courage that you have given them. I pray that everyone, students and teachers, use the gifts that God has given to the fullest to build up and encourage each other and the Church. I pray that everyone would study and teach diligently, but without too much business. May they also take time for rest, leaving room for Your voice to speak quietly. May NIBI change and develop as You speak, and may you call the people who You want to NIBI, especially new students and committed teachers.

I pray that the eyes of everyone at NIBI will be on You, and that you will continually widen and heighten and deepen their understanding of You and Your great Love. I pray that a spirit of joy, thanksgiving and prayerfulness remains and grows in this community.

And I pray that as students from NIBI are drawn more and more into Your life, that they would go out into the rest of Cambodia and the rest of the world, joining with You in Your work to turn everything back from the stone of sin to the life of God. In the name of Jesus we pray. Amen.

Changes

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

I sit here on NIBI’s campus at the end of the semester, final reviews and exams behind me and some grading ahead of me. On Friday, I plan to say goodbye to all the dear students and teachers here and return to Phnom Penh, where I will be teaching English skills in the Evangelical Fellowship of Cambodia (EFC) Women’s Department. I’m so sad to leave my friends here, but also excited to see what God has in store for me next.

I’m sorry I haven’t written in such a long time; the past few months have been extremely busy, but also very wonderful. At the end of December, my boyfriend came to visit me for nine days over Christmas, and we had some great adventures seeing the temples of Angkor, biking around Phnom Penh, visiting Plong Village, and hanging out with many of the people I’ve met and come to love here.

In the second week of January, students and professors from Calvin College were here in Siem Reap for the Transforming Cambodia interim, the same class that drew me to Cambodia in the first place. It was wonderful to see a dear friend from Calvin, catch up with my professors, and meet many other earnest and curious students. The NIBI students and I also got to attend an excellent conference on development that the Calvin students led, along with law school students from a Christian university in Korea and Cambodian students from several universities in Phnom Penh.

The day after the conference ended, I left for Chiang Mai, Thailand, where I was blessed to attend a Christian Reformed World Missions (CRWM) retreat for missionaries in South East Asia.  It was truly amazing to meet and spend even a few days with such faithful, courageous people and their families. Hearing about the great diversity of things they do – from translating the Bible into new languages to teaching in seminaries to running social enterprises – has planted all sorts of new ideas in the part of my brain formerly containing only the word “mission work.”

Finally, my parents visited during the second and third weeks of February, and we took a similar – though far from identical – tour of Cambodia as my boyfriend and I had taken. Please pray for my mother’s swift return to health, however. She arrived in Cambodia with a bad head cold, and we all got bad cases of Montezuma’s revenge during the last few days of the trip. Now back in the states, my mother is still recovering from the cold. Overall, though, it has been so good to see many of my beloved ones from the US in the flesh these past few months!

Besides the business of visits and travels, there have also been some significant changes since I last wrote.

Two NIBI students, James and Ratanak, have been accepted into universities in Korea. This is a mixed blessing for NIBI – while we’re proud to have produced students who are capable enough to study in Korea, they will be dearly missed here. James has left already, and Ratanak will leave during the coming months of vacation. Please pray for them, as they will have so many challenges there!

Both have fairly good English, but they don’t speak much Korean at all. Ratanak is going with her sister, who was also accepted, but James is all by himself. They have never even been to other South East Asian countries for short trips before, so moving to Korea for four years of study is an unbelievably big change.  And while they have been somewhat exposed to Korean culture through the missionaries here, Korean and Khmer culture are extremely different, so they will be facing a lot of culture shock. Please also pray that they remain true to God’s calling on their lives. There are Cambodians who go abroad to study intending to return, catch the materialism bug, and never come back to serve their country with their new knowledge and skills.

The total count of NIBI students for next semester has now dropped to five, and we’ve been unsuccessful becoming certified as an Institute that can award bachelor’s degrees. So the school has decided to make some major changes to their strategy. They have discovered that they can be certified to award associate degrees, so they’ve decided to shrink their program from five years to two. They’re also very seriously recruiting for this next semester, and have already found two students from Burma who will attend next semester.

This is a lot of change and will certainly be a difficult transition. The three remaining third- and fourth- year students will be allowed to stay and work at NIBI’s social enterprise, or they can apply for another university in Cambodia or Korea. Either will be a big change from what they had been expecting, and it’s certainly disappointing that they will only be able to receive associate degrees from NIBI after so many years of study. Having students from Burma attend the school is a great opportunity, but will also introduce new cultural and communication barriers, as the languages here are English, Khmer, and Korean. Hopefully, the Burmese students already know a fair amount of English. Furthermore, NIBI does not yet have an English teacher for next semester. Please pray for NIBI as they make this huge transition.

A big change for me is that I’ve decided to apply to Calvin Seminary for a Master's of Arts in Worship. This hasn’t been a light decision for me, but one made with fear and trembling, prayer, tears, and counsel. I had planned when I returned from Cambodia to start a master’s program in urban education in Memphis. My plan sounded great: I have loved teaching here in Cambodia, my boyfriend is also in Memphis for four years, and there would be a stipend to live on.  But after many prayers to release my plans to God, His Spirit called me in a different direction.

He brought up my deep longing to worship Him through music, study His Word, and lead others in responding to His Word through worship. He brought up the gifts He’d given me in singing and harmonizing, leading and songwriting, and confirmations from others. He brought up the deep need that I’ve seen in Cambodian churches for new songs written by Khmer Christians in Khmer, as well as needs in US churches for theologically sound worship that can speak across cultures and generations.

I don’t know where God will lead after seminary, but for now, I’m trusting that God will sustain me as I follow Him. I thank you for your prayers in all of this. I will turn in the application tomorrow, which is rather late. I’m supposed to be accepted into Calvin Seminary by March 1 to be considered for scholarships, so please pray for a fast review process for my application!

Love from Cambodia,

Amanda